Freedom to be!

Livy Brooke, These past 4 months have brought big changes to our lives. First of all, you turned 2!!! I still can't believe my sweet baby girl is 2 and I accidentally call you "baby girl" all the time...perhaps I'm living in denial that you are growing up to be a little lady faster than I'd like! Second, you became a big sister to baby Ethan (the "bruddah" -- you also call him "Eee-fan" which is super cute). I'm proud of the sister that you are to him -- you love to squeeze him, touch him and you already look out for him ("Eee-fan's crying!" "Eee-fan's awake!"). I know you two will be close, loving, playful siblings and that makes my heart happy...although you might need to learn how to share your Thomas the Trains with him :)

Today we went for a family walk. At one point during our walk you asked to get out of the stroller and "hop on the squares" --> you wanted to jump from one garden square stone to another. As you did, you let out beautiful squeals of delight -- full of glee, joy and life! There's such a beauty and innocence to the joy that you have. As I pushed you on the swings this evening, you let out a joyful "waaaahooooo" and even a "chugga chugga chooo choo" -- announcing to everyone in the world that you were loving that swing. My heart melted because you haven't felt the sting of rejection yet. Although your friends occasionally don't want to go on the playground when you *ask* them to, you are not personally offended or feeling downcast from rejection. Never once have you been told you are not good enough or not worthy of time and attention. You do not carry around the heavy weight of rejection and it is a beautiful thing. So precious, my eyes fill up with tears at what has been lost in my life and what I never want you to lose. So my dear, I will do everything in my power to protect you from hurtful people who may make you feel insignificant or who speak lies about your value. Do not believe these things if you do encounter them. Remember the joy you have for life...even if you continue to yell train noises in glee, do it as long as you are being yourself :)

In that same vein, I want to live out freedom in this area as an example to you. I do not want past rejections and hurts to prevent me from being who God created me to be. I want to have a restoration of my simple joy and laughter....without a care as to what people may think. So I pray that the Lord would restore me from hurts, failures and rejections so that I can freely live. You my dear may also walk in that freedom, knowing that God made you and loves you so deeply it hurts.

I posted these photos of you with your daddy because no one brings out the silly in you (and the giggles) like him. Love, your mommy

Fear NOT!

Dear Sweet Alivia, You are a whopping 21.5 months old and are getting bigger, stronger and smarter each month. I'm continually amazed at all that you are learning, remembering and saying. You are more and more precious to me each day.

The more I see you learn and grow, the more amazed I am at your child-like faith and fearlessness. You are not afraid to try to say a new word, or to act a bit silly, or to even trip and fall in front of a huge crowd of people. You're not afraid of mocking words, being laughed at and your feelings aren't hurt we correct your behavior. Right now, you are a model of fearlessness to me...you inspire me to live without a fear of man. AND to not mock, belittle or humiliate others who may try and fail. I never want to hurt, mock, humiliate you and I'm always going to do my best to encourage and support you.

I don't want to instill fear into your heart and mind; I don't want the fears and anxieties that have plagued me to also plague you. So I'm doing my best to give those up to God so I can model fearlessness to you too. I don't want you to be so sheltered that you don't realize this world is a hard place and think that bad things never happen BUT I want you to have faith in the Lord more powerful than any fears, any evil, or any hurts. It is in that place that you will find freedom, joy and peace. That is my heart's cry for you right now. You are my love! From, your momma

Adventures of Teddy Girl!!!

Livy, You are now 17 months old AND a world traveler...so is your favorite pink teddy bear, affectionately named Teddy Girl. Maybe someday you can give Teddy Girl a proper name, but I guess for now, T.G. it is. You are absolutely attached to Teddy Girl. Its precious, really. As soon as you have T.G. in your arms and paci in your mouth, you start stumbling around in a dazed stupor of real (or feigned) sleepiness. It really does comfort you -- thankfully!

We just returned from two months of traveling around Europe; we went to London, Amsterdam, Munich, Salzburg and Prague. It was an incredible trip but honestly, I was a little nervous about how you were going to travel. You've never been one to nod off easily in any sort of public setting so I was worried trains and plains would be nightmarish. I was concerned that jetlag would leave us with an exhausted, crabby, never-sleeping little lady. Turns out you are actually better at traveling than I am! You slept so well on the planes and trains and you settled pretty easily into new places; you were much more flexible and adaptable than I thought you'd be. I'm so grateful. BUT who knows what things would've been like without the grace of God and Teddy Girl. Every time we traveled with you in your stroller, I'd always be checking to make sure TG stayed with you and didn't "accidentally" get thrown overboard. That would've been a crisis in the making! Everywhere you went, so did Teddy.

As much as you love TG, I love you more; you're my favorite snuggle bug!

Love, Momma

Milk does a Body Good

*** This post might be awkward for anyone who had adverse reactions to reading about breastfeeding. LOL. Livy, Well, you turned 1. Can't believe my little sweet pea is now 13 months old and your first birthday came and went. We had an awesome party that included all four of your grandparents and a bunch of your friends. About 30 or more people where there to celebrate YOU. You are one blessed, loved little girl. I barely remember all of the work I did to make all of the cupcakes, cookies, snacks, decorations, party favors etc because the actual party itself was so fun. You walked around in your beautiful dress like a princess all afternoon.

You weren't too sure about that cupcake at first but you got the hang of eating that sugary goodness :) You are totally my kid! I have to say though, I kind of thought by 1 year old, you'd be eating waaaay more solid foods and kind of wean yourself off of the breastfeeding. You know at first, breastfeeding you was difficult and painful but I'm glad I stuck through that first week. It's been worth it. Even the early morning/middle of the night/every 2 hour feedings have been worth it. For a while I kind of resented the fact that my body was still adjusting and recovering from childbearing and then I was the one who had to wake up every few hours while your dad slept soundly though the night (how does he do that???) Even still, after 13 months, I occasionally get angry that I can't enjoy a full night sleep without any interruptions while he doesn't even hear your cries over the monitor. But then when I see your sweet face, I'm so blessed that I get to have set-aside, special time with you. I've enjoyed breastfeeding because we get to share intimate moments together of bonding, of me holding you tight and praying over you. Your daddy gets to sleep but we get to bond. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

You know while you're nursing, I tell you all the time how much I love you and I like to think that you love me back, even though you can't express it with words or intentional actions yet. The Bible actually talks a bit about babies and milk and Paul refers to some of his church disciples as babes who are taking in spiritual milk. I realized that when we are baby Christians God gives us the spiritual milk: like breas-tmilk, it is satisfies all of our nutritional needs. It seems that there's a certain growth in Christ that many Christians first have when they come to know God -- like a growth spurt or a "spiritual high." I think its because of the spiritual milk: that's exactly what a new Christian needs to confirm in their hearts that what they believe is true. It's the time when foundations and bonds are formed between us and God. Yet, we're not made to drink breast-milk forever (no matter what some whackos out there say)...we do need to get our nourishment from the solid food. And solids can be troublesome: we can develop allergies, poor eating habits, and get constipated or sick from our foods etc. But we need it just as much as we used to need the breast- milk. Once we start maturing in Christ, we take on the spiritual solid foods -- we weather the storms, we don't let fear, doubt and unbelief shake our faith, and we continue to press on in endurance for the race marked out for us. Instead of seeking God for what He can give us (spiritual milk) we will begin to seek Him for who He is (relationship, love, trust, etc develops). I feel like once you are weaned, true relationship and maturity in Christ can begin. So enjoy your milk as I enjoy feeding you, but the time will come when you will be weaned; I will be sad but I will also be hopeful that our relationship with grow in new, fun ways.

I love you, my precious daughter. Love, your momma

A Good Man is Hard to Find....

....but well worth the wait.

I know you've just turned 1 but it's never too early to be giving you some good advice on boys.

I've met a lot of people who have been so hurt by their past romantic relationships and I do not want you to experience that same kind of pain; it can be scarring. One of the most important lessons I want you to learn is that you are valuable, beautiful, and worthy of love no matter what any other person may tell you. As you grow into more and more of the person God created you to be, I pray that you have this God-given self-confidence; proud of the person you are and the abilities you have. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare yourself to anyone else.

Don't waste your time thinking about "so and so has a boyfriend, why don't I?"

Don't kiss a bunch of frogs hoping that they'll turn into Prince Charming. Only kiss your prince...he's the only one who deserves your affections.

Don't settle. You deserve the best and someone who brings the best out of you.



These are the characteristics I appreciate about your daddy:
Integrity
Loving
Kind
Generous
Intelligent
Funny
Thinks outside of the box
Hard worker
Patient
Compassionate
Gentle -- especially to you
Fun -- he loves to goof around with you and play
Wise
Financially responsible
Handsome :)
Godly

These are just some of the things I love about your daddy and I hope and pray that he is a good model to you of what a loving man is. Yes, a good man is sometimes hard to find...but well worth the wait. Be encouraged; we are praying for your husband to be a God-loving/Livy-loving man even now. Be patient, my daughter. The wait seems long but is nothing in comparison to the joy you will experience once you realize what a gift God gives you in the right time.


I love you my darling daughter. I love this picture of the gentleness of your daddy cradling you when you were a newborn.

"Don't compare your love story to those you watch in the movies. Those are written by scriptwriters. Yours is written by GOD."

Love, momma

10 Things I love About You

Livy Bean,

Today I took you outside to "play" this afternoon -- you pushed around your little Alligator Push Toy on the sidewalk for a bit but got distracted by the leaves, sticks and acorns on the ground. I don't think you're gonna mind getting dirty and play in the sand or dirt at all :)

But I started thinking about what makes you YOU and how much I love those qualities in you. So here's a very abbreviated list (there's waaaaay more than 10 things) of what I love about you.

1. Your head: You have the cutest little features and profile; little upturned nose, perfectly proportioned forehead, round cheeks, and a cute little double cowlick on the back of your head. I just love that little head; I can't stop kissing it all day long! (p.s. sorry if that's really annoying, I can't help it!)



2. Your eyes: Ok, first of all, you have the most gorgeously blue eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes must be stunning to other people too because random strangers in public comment on them. One thing that is so apparent about you is that you are VERY observant. When you see something or someone new, you stare and stare until you decide that it's all ok in your world. I think your natural inclination to observe is part of a gift of discernment: you'll be able to see things in people that the average person won't see. You'll have a great compassion for them because of it.



3. Your mouth: You've started to say baby things like "dadadadada" or "babababa" or my personal favorite, after drinking milk in the middle of the night "ya ya ya ya ya." I kind of wonder if you say "ya ya ya" instead of "ma ma ma." I'm ok with that. Plus now you've got 2 teeth, which are sharp little daggers, but are so adorable!! The process of getting those teeth through the gums wasn't pretty (read: sleepless nights, cranky girl, and chewing on everything), they sure are worth the effort.



4. Your hands: When you are nursing, you often swing your hands around wildly (you just don't like to be still) but sometimes you are still enough to hold my hand or put your little fingers on my face. It's sweet. Nowadays you are using your little fingers to pick up food and smash it into your mouth...and to point (not at things, just to point). Can't wait to see what things these hands are going to paint.

5. Your laugh: Yeah, as I've mentioned in an earlier post, it is NOT easy to get you to laugh. I think it's because you are so observant and want to take everything in. However, your dad and I finally have your laughter vault cracked: You like to be bounced up and down, you like to be tickled after I say "wiggle wiggle wiggle," (random, I know), you like being tossed up in the air, getting licked by dogs, and getting raspberries from your dad. Your little giggles are so precious.

6. Snuggles!: I cannot get enough snuggles from you. I'm so glad I've nursed you because of all of the snuggles I get. Normally you are on-the-go but the moments when you nuzzle into my shoulder or crawl into my lap are so precious; I wish they could last forever.



7. Your tenacity: You are a go-getter. You don't stop until you get what you want. Although this can be a negative thing at times (when you just HAVE to put that extension cord in your mouth), its totally a good thing. You have a determined, tenacious, ambitious personality. You will set goals and achieve them and not accept anything less. I'm excited to see how this trait will propel your life forward. Use it to advance the kingdom of God!



8. Fascination: Yes, you are a baby right now and it is normal for babies to be fascinated with new things but you seem marked by fascination. I took you outside yesterday to play and you found some leaves, sticks and acorns and I literally had to pull you away from the dirt in order to take a nap. I think you were playing for an intense 30 minutes.

9. Gentleness: You have a very delicate way of touching things and playing with your toys. I can tell that you have a very peaceable, gentle, sweet spirit in you.

10. Love for dogs!: What more can I say? You absolutely LOVE dogs of all shapes and sizes. You get so giggly when they lick you or sniff you and its such a wonderful sound. Even your dad and I cannot elicit the same amount of giggles from you that a 4-legged slobbery mess can and I love it.



Of course I have a lifetime of being able to express how much I love you and I'm so grateful for all of the unique characteristics God has given you.

Love,
Your momma

Memories

Alivia,

You are one blessed little girl. We were fortunate enough to spend Thanksgiving with both sets of your grandparents and your great-grandma -- and even though we spent it at a non-traditional place (a timeshare), the circumstances of our meal didn't matter as we enjoyed time together as a family. And as always, you were the focus of all of our attentions. How special it is to be around all 4 grandparents at one time!

I'm constantly grateful for the wonderful, Godly legacy they have instilled in us -- and that was instilled in them from the generations before. We have a lineage of grace: God has been a part of your family for many, many years. I am so glad for family members who have quit smoking, or who have decided not to drink alcohol (because of alcoholism), or who have been pastors or missionaries, or who have stayed married, or who have decided to follow Christ until death because all of those Godly values have been carried down the lineage to us...to you.

There is a depth and richness to your family and I hope someday you will be grateful to know of all the people who loved the Lord and followed Him all of their days. For those alive to know you, it is our utmost prayer that you too, someday, choose to follow Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4

Let this be recorded for future generations, so that a people not yet born will praise the LORD. Psalm 102:18

Love you,
momma