Who are you?

Alivia,

Occasionally I look back at the ultrasounds we got at various points during my pregnancy; I like to compare them to the little baby I see before my eyes to see any similarities. I have to tell you, as much as I loved seeing you on the computer screen, it was still very surreal that YOU were growing inside of me. This is probably one of the hardest things for me to comprehend about the miracle that is a pregnancy: holy smokes, kiddo, you lived in my belly for 9 months!

A few times I freaked out about the images on the ultrasound picture, forgetting that at best they are distorted images of someone floating around in goop. Yet every time your dad and I saw you or heard your heartbeat, we were so excited and in awe of you. We had a hard time imaging what you would look like and what your personality would be like but now I can't imagine anyone different. You are perfect.

My favorite ultrasound experience was my last one; I was about 32 weeks along and they did an ultrasound to make sure you were growing properly (you were). Your Papa Struck was able to come to the appointment with us and it was his first time ever seeing a pregnancy ultrasound b/c they didn't do that kind of stuff when I was being hatched. He stood in awe at the screen, taking in all of the emotion of seeing his granddaughter for the first time. It was a really special bonding moment.

That was also the appointment where the ultrasound tech noticed you had cute chubby cheeks. You have the most kissable cheeks I ever did see.

I always think of Psalm 139:14 that praises God because you were "fearfully and wonderfully made". For a long time I never understood the "fearfully" part of the verse; it just didn't make sense to me. One day God gave me understanding. In a few years you will be able to making "houses" with playing cards. It's a very delicate process that requires precision, patience and perfection. There's an element of fear as one tiny little misstep can make the whole house crumble. It's not a "scary" kind of fear but a careful, reverent, focused kind of fear.

You were made "fearfully" -- with such precise perfection. God cared about every single detail of who you are; from hair and eye color, to body type, to personality and giftings...everything that is YOU. Never lose sight of the girl God was creating while mom and dad got to see you in a sonogram.

Love, mom

Like Mother Like Daughter

Alivia,

It's still so hard to believe that you were growing in that belly of mine. I prayed for you so much because pregnancy is a very delicate thing. Considering I hadn't yet met you, I thought about you more than anyone else; you literally changed my life from the get-go.

As you grew bigger, so did my hopes for you. I sincerely hope that you get the better parts of me and even surpass me in many ways. I want you to have a greater faith in the Lord than I have; I want you to have a greater compassion for people than I have; I want you to love more wholeheartedly than I can; and I want you to be a strong woman of integrity.

Yet there are things in me I hope to pass on to you: wisdom and discernment; joy and laughter (may our house be filled with giggles and fun memories); intelligence and curiosity; and much more.

There aren't even words to express all of the hopes and dreams I have for you but more than anything, I want you to be free to be the person you were created to be. I don't want any rejection, comparison, hurtful word, discouragement or fear standing in the way of you becoming a woman after God's own heart.

As I drove to one of my last doctor appointments, I listened to the song 'Umbrellas' by Sleeping at Last and began to cry (hormones?) because the lyrics perfectly encapsulated the special relationship between a man and wife as they add to their family:

We’ll bring a child into this world, we'll bring a child into this world
And we’ll say the one thing
Everyone should hear:

You were meant for amazing things.

Alivia, you were meant for amazing things.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Love, your momma

With Child

Alivia,

As far as pregnancies go, I have to admit, I had it pretty easy. Sure, I felt nauseous in the evenings (thank you tomato sauce), had heartburn, bloated EVERYWHERE, waddled, woke up to pee at least once a night, and had a hard time getting comfortable sitting, sleeping or standing, BUT at least I had a healthy little child growing inside of me. That made all the discomfort worth it!

I knew from the beginning of my pregnancy that you were a girl. As I prayed for you in the womb, I almost always referred to you as "she" or "her" and felt like God did the same. Needless to say, the ultrasound tech only confirmed what I knew in my heart to be true about you.

There are other things I believe God revealed to me while you were being formed in the womb. For example, both your dad and I thought you were destined to be a joy-giver to people. Let me tell you, every time I heard the fast "whoomp whoomp" of your heartbeat on the doppler machine, my heart swelled with joy. One evening your dad came home upset about something and in a really crummy mood but as soon as you heard his voice, you began to kick and move. I immediately told him to come over and say "hi" and feel your movements on my belly. He began to talk to you and you moved with every sound of his voice. Nothing I said turned around your dad's mood BUT you were able to do it instantly with a kick of your foot.

We also believed you would be an active little girl. We imagined your running around, playing sports, and enjoying life through activity -- now that we know you, this is definitely true. At 3 months you began to roll over from back to tummy. At 4.5 months, you are on all fours, trying to crawl. You reach for things, squirm around and like to explore the world by moving and shaking. Your parents are going to have to start working out in order to keep up with you.

Being pregnant was fun but having you in my arms is infinitely better.

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Love, your momma

Let's Start at the Very Beginning (a very good place to start)

I always knew I would be a mother. I just assumed when I got married I would have babies, stay at home with them, and love being a mom. Then I got married and decided it was smart to wait a year before making any kiddos....a year passed (quickly may I add) but I still didn't quite feel ready to have children. Another year passed and I definitely wasn't getting any younger. Yet, I still didn't quite feel ready to take that plunge...why not??? I love kids; I love babies; I spent years babysitting and loving other people's babies so why didn't I want my own?

Finally in February 2010 I found out my problem: control and fear. I sat in on a teaching by Steve Shamblin, who told me I was controlling things that I needed to give to God. As I prayed later that evening, I instantly knew God was telling me to let go and start a family. See, I always thought things needed to be figured out before having kids; we would need all of the money to pay for the baby stuff, a place for the baby to live, and provision for every need, including college, weddings and braces. Haha! God promised me that He would take care of everything we needed for the baby if I would just make one!

Needless to say, a few months later, after coming from a trip to Haiti, I found out I was pregnant with my first little baby. I was full of so many emotions: joy, excitement, nervousness, fear, and peace. I knew for a fact that this little baby was fully desired by me, Mike, and God.

Looking back now, I am so excited to watch my little girl grow up, knowing that God loves her so much, He had to tell her momma to make her! What a little gift she is to me and to Mike -- I am so grateful for the goodness of God to me -- I am reminded every day how wonderful it is to follow His plans for my life when I look at her.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

A Mother's Heart

I'm starting this blog as a way to share memories and life lessons with my little girl, Alivia Brooke. I watched an episode of Oprah where a mom dying of cancer left her daughter with video and cassette recordings full of wisdom, teachings, and life lessons (plus a whole lot of love!) for her to remember her mom by after she was gone. I loved the idea of journaling things I want to pass on to Livy as she grows up -- I don't want to forget the precious moments of our lives together.

So the name of this blog is Letters to Livy. She's only a sweet baby now but someday, I hope to share my stories and my wisdom with her. I want to tell her all about the love of God and all that He has done for us as a family so that she may love Him and serve Him all the days of her life. That is my hope and my prayer.

One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4