What's in a Name?

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

I don't know how Adam in the Garden of Eden came up with all sorts of names for animals because I had a hard enough time coming up with one complete name for my little girl. Good thing we had 9 months to figure it out.

Your dad and I wanted to give you a name that meant something special or that signified something about the woman God wants you to be so it was hard to find the perfect name that just seemed to fit. We poured over baby name books and websites and found a few that we liked but nothing that really stood out to us.

During November (I was about 5 months pregnant at the time) our company hosted a HUGE conference on our new campus. Your dad and I camped out in a tent for a week (which was HARD b/c it was FREEZING cold at night and I would have to wake up to go pee in a porta-potty) on the land while working and attending the conference. It was a hard week but a really, really good week as we essentially can say we named you during that conference.

2 things happened: I was chatting with my friend, Samantha, who was trying to help me brainstorm different names for Baby Lenny (that was your in-utero nickname). She ran through a list of quite a few names and separately suggested Olivia and Brooke. Your dad and I had previously considered Brooke as a first name and many other people (Nana, Auntie Em) had offered up Olivia as a name too. But Samantha put the two together saying Olivia Brooke. I immediately LOVED the combo but wanted to conceal my emotion as dad and I had planned on keeping your name secret until you were born.

Also during that conference was my first exposure to seeing Olivia spelled as Alivia. I thought it was unique without being too weird (and there are A LOT of weird names out there these days). So after a few more days or weeks of discussion, your dad and I finally decided on naming you Alivia Brooke.

We felt like Alivia (spelled with the A) was similar in appearance to the world "Alive" signifying "living." You were to be our little "Living Water." Bubbly, active, joyful, life-giving, etc. And, YOU ARE! The cool thing about your name is that Alivia in Spanish means burden bearer. We believe you are going to have mercy and compassion on those less fortunate and help bear the burdens of other people.

We hope you live out and even surpass the meaning of your name, little one. Let your light shine brightly before men!

Let these verses guide you all the days of your life:

Psalm 1:1-4

Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,

but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

Love, momma

Birth Story (spoiler alert: she gets born!)

Livy Bean,

One of the most nerve-wracking parts of being pregnant is knowing that at the end, there will mostly likely be a bunch of painful contractions before the little one comes out. Of course everyone says once the baby is out you forget the pain, but still, who wants to look forward of hours of guaranteed pain?? I certainly didn't; it scared the begeebies out of me. I wish I could just close my eyes and viola, you'd just appear. No pain, no work, just miraculous birth. Well, back in the real world, I had to face my fears.

In fact, for 9 months of anxiety about impending labor and delivery, the last week of your womb-life I was pretty ready to go through it all to meet you. I was huge, uncomfortable, anxious and ready to meet you already! In fact, I think its God's grace that women get desperately uncomfortable at the end because they are willing to do anything (including hours of contractions) in order to be un-pregnant again.

So one week before you were born, I went to the doc for a check up, who told me I was almost 3 cm dilated and would most certainly go into labor within the week. Well, I made it that whole week and another visit to the doc who scheduled me for an induction the Monday after the upcoming weekend. I went to the car in tears because I really wanted you to come on your own.

Little did I know that you would start coming mere hours later. Around 4:45pm that Thursday afternoon I started feeling contractions: sharper pains that I never had before. I went to dinner and they didn't go away -- like clockwork I got one every 15ish minutes. I realized, hey, I'm starting labor!!

I called my friend, Cara, who had training in midwifery as she was going to attend your birth and be a labor coach :) She came later in the evening and around 10pm we decided to head to the hospital as contractions (to the best of our timing abilities) were around 5 minutes apart. We called Nana and Papa Struck who were about an hour away to let them know we were on our way -- they came to the hospital around midnight, where I was still in triage, waiting for a room.

---Side story: they asked for a urine sample. In the bathroom, I couldn't find any cups but found a plastic bag (as I later realized was to put the cup in for sanitary reasons) and peed in that. It started leaking all over the floor. Gross. Needless to

say, I finally could a cup and put my specimen in it and had to spend a few mins cleaning my pee off of the hospital bathroom floor. All while having contractions. AWESOME!

Anyways, finally made it into the delivery room but things were progressing very slowly. I think they broke my water around 2:30am on Friday morning because I was only 4ish cm dilated. Slooooow progress! But after they broke my water, oh man, the strength of the contractions increased dramatically as did my back labor. I caved 2 hours later for an epidural, which was the best thing EVER. Drugs = goooooood.

So I was able to rest and relax for the next 4ish hours when I felt the urge to push. Birthing time! I gave a couple practice pushes (which were exhausting alone) and they determined that I was good to keep going. The midwife and nurses got the room ready for "Baby Lenny" to enter the world. I pushed hard for about 45 minutes (about 20 of which I kept asking "am I crowning yet?") and finally, my little Alivia Brooke had entered the world at 10:08am. It was the most surreal moment of my life. I couldn't believe I had actually gone through the labor and delivery and was holding my precious little baby.

Before giving birth I realized that I was willing to go through immense pain to meet my little beloved girl...isn't that the same thing Jesus was willing to do for us? He went through the most incredible pain imaginable (rejection, beatings, unfair trial, torturous death and separation from The Father) to be in relationship with us. That speaks to the unfailing, amazing love of the Lord. Please remember that when you have your own children.

This verse comforted me as your birth approached and speaks about God's faithfulness to me during your birth:

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Love, your momma

Who are you?

Alivia,

Occasionally I look back at the ultrasounds we got at various points during my pregnancy; I like to compare them to the little baby I see before my eyes to see any similarities. I have to tell you, as much as I loved seeing you on the computer screen, it was still very surreal that YOU were growing inside of me. This is probably one of the hardest things for me to comprehend about the miracle that is a pregnancy: holy smokes, kiddo, you lived in my belly for 9 months!

A few times I freaked out about the images on the ultrasound picture, forgetting that at best they are distorted images of someone floating around in goop. Yet every time your dad and I saw you or heard your heartbeat, we were so excited and in awe of you. We had a hard time imaging what you would look like and what your personality would be like but now I can't imagine anyone different. You are perfect.

My favorite ultrasound experience was my last one; I was about 32 weeks along and they did an ultrasound to make sure you were growing properly (you were). Your Papa Struck was able to come to the appointment with us and it was his first time ever seeing a pregnancy ultrasound b/c they didn't do that kind of stuff when I was being hatched. He stood in awe at the screen, taking in all of the emotion of seeing his granddaughter for the first time. It was a really special bonding moment.

That was also the appointment where the ultrasound tech noticed you had cute chubby cheeks. You have the most kissable cheeks I ever did see.

I always think of Psalm 139:14 that praises God because you were "fearfully and wonderfully made". For a long time I never understood the "fearfully" part of the verse; it just didn't make sense to me. One day God gave me understanding. In a few years you will be able to making "houses" with playing cards. It's a very delicate process that requires precision, patience and perfection. There's an element of fear as one tiny little misstep can make the whole house crumble. It's not a "scary" kind of fear but a careful, reverent, focused kind of fear.

You were made "fearfully" -- with such precise perfection. God cared about every single detail of who you are; from hair and eye color, to body type, to personality and giftings...everything that is YOU. Never lose sight of the girl God was creating while mom and dad got to see you in a sonogram.

Love, mom

Like Mother Like Daughter

Alivia,

It's still so hard to believe that you were growing in that belly of mine. I prayed for you so much because pregnancy is a very delicate thing. Considering I hadn't yet met you, I thought about you more than anyone else; you literally changed my life from the get-go.

As you grew bigger, so did my hopes for you. I sincerely hope that you get the better parts of me and even surpass me in many ways. I want you to have a greater faith in the Lord than I have; I want you to have a greater compassion for people than I have; I want you to love more wholeheartedly than I can; and I want you to be a strong woman of integrity.

Yet there are things in me I hope to pass on to you: wisdom and discernment; joy and laughter (may our house be filled with giggles and fun memories); intelligence and curiosity; and much more.

There aren't even words to express all of the hopes and dreams I have for you but more than anything, I want you to be free to be the person you were created to be. I don't want any rejection, comparison, hurtful word, discouragement or fear standing in the way of you becoming a woman after God's own heart.

As I drove to one of my last doctor appointments, I listened to the song 'Umbrellas' by Sleeping at Last and began to cry (hormones?) because the lyrics perfectly encapsulated the special relationship between a man and wife as they add to their family:

We’ll bring a child into this world, we'll bring a child into this world
And we’ll say the one thing
Everyone should hear:

You were meant for amazing things.

Alivia, you were meant for amazing things.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Love, your momma

With Child

Alivia,

As far as pregnancies go, I have to admit, I had it pretty easy. Sure, I felt nauseous in the evenings (thank you tomato sauce), had heartburn, bloated EVERYWHERE, waddled, woke up to pee at least once a night, and had a hard time getting comfortable sitting, sleeping or standing, BUT at least I had a healthy little child growing inside of me. That made all the discomfort worth it!

I knew from the beginning of my pregnancy that you were a girl. As I prayed for you in the womb, I almost always referred to you as "she" or "her" and felt like God did the same. Needless to say, the ultrasound tech only confirmed what I knew in my heart to be true about you.

There are other things I believe God revealed to me while you were being formed in the womb. For example, both your dad and I thought you were destined to be a joy-giver to people. Let me tell you, every time I heard the fast "whoomp whoomp" of your heartbeat on the doppler machine, my heart swelled with joy. One evening your dad came home upset about something and in a really crummy mood but as soon as you heard his voice, you began to kick and move. I immediately told him to come over and say "hi" and feel your movements on my belly. He began to talk to you and you moved with every sound of his voice. Nothing I said turned around your dad's mood BUT you were able to do it instantly with a kick of your foot.

We also believed you would be an active little girl. We imagined your running around, playing sports, and enjoying life through activity -- now that we know you, this is definitely true. At 3 months you began to roll over from back to tummy. At 4.5 months, you are on all fours, trying to crawl. You reach for things, squirm around and like to explore the world by moving and shaking. Your parents are going to have to start working out in order to keep up with you.

Being pregnant was fun but having you in my arms is infinitely better.

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Love, your momma

Let's Start at the Very Beginning (a very good place to start)

I always knew I would be a mother. I just assumed when I got married I would have babies, stay at home with them, and love being a mom. Then I got married and decided it was smart to wait a year before making any kiddos....a year passed (quickly may I add) but I still didn't quite feel ready to have children. Another year passed and I definitely wasn't getting any younger. Yet, I still didn't quite feel ready to take that plunge...why not??? I love kids; I love babies; I spent years babysitting and loving other people's babies so why didn't I want my own?

Finally in February 2010 I found out my problem: control and fear. I sat in on a teaching by Steve Shamblin, who told me I was controlling things that I needed to give to God. As I prayed later that evening, I instantly knew God was telling me to let go and start a family. See, I always thought things needed to be figured out before having kids; we would need all of the money to pay for the baby stuff, a place for the baby to live, and provision for every need, including college, weddings and braces. Haha! God promised me that He would take care of everything we needed for the baby if I would just make one!

Needless to say, a few months later, after coming from a trip to Haiti, I found out I was pregnant with my first little baby. I was full of so many emotions: joy, excitement, nervousness, fear, and peace. I knew for a fact that this little baby was fully desired by me, Mike, and God.

Looking back now, I am so excited to watch my little girl grow up, knowing that God loves her so much, He had to tell her momma to make her! What a little gift she is to me and to Mike -- I am so grateful for the goodness of God to me -- I am reminded every day how wonderful it is to follow His plans for my life when I look at her.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

A Mother's Heart

I'm starting this blog as a way to share memories and life lessons with my little girl, Alivia Brooke. I watched an episode of Oprah where a mom dying of cancer left her daughter with video and cassette recordings full of wisdom, teachings, and life lessons (plus a whole lot of love!) for her to remember her mom by after she was gone. I loved the idea of journaling things I want to pass on to Livy as she grows up -- I don't want to forget the precious moments of our lives together.

So the name of this blog is Letters to Livy. She's only a sweet baby now but someday, I hope to share my stories and my wisdom with her. I want to tell her all about the love of God and all that He has done for us as a family so that she may love Him and serve Him all the days of her life. That is my hope and my prayer.

One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4